Three years ago, my husband and I agreed to practice Radical Honesty in our relationship. This meant we wouldn’t keep any secrets from each other, except for harmless ones like a surprise birthday party. It’s been tougher to stick to this rule than we initially thought, but we both feel that even the occasional frustration is worth it to maintain a completely connected and trusting relationship.
What is Radical Honesty? It means you tell your partner everything that’s happening in your personal life. You share not just where you’re going or what your day’s plans are, but also if someone else makes you feel butterflies or if you feel the urge to contact an ex. You admit when you’re feeling guilty about hurting someone.
It also means sharing when someone flirts with you at work, even if you don’t reciprocate the feelings, or telling your partner if you find someone—like a movie star—sexy. The idea is to be completely honest and not keep any secrets that could cause problems later.
I am deeply committed to Radical Honesty. Before marrying my current husband, Kiran, I was married to Sid for six years. Although Sid and I had a loving, fun relationship, it eventually fell apart when I began to discover that he was lying to me. It started with small things, like him catching up with an ex at a party for a drink. Then, it escalated to bigger betrayals, such as him telling a mutual friend he was dying to have sex with her. After we divorced, I learned even more about Sid’s dishonesty from others. It turned out that my ex was fundamentally dishonest, and it took me a long time to forgive both him and myself.
The lessons I learned from my first marriage were invaluable. I realized that even small lies can lead to bigger and more painful deceptions. Lies completely destroyed my relationship with Sid; I wasn’t going to let the same thing happen with Kiran.
This post was written by a professional at Valenti Matchmaking. Valenti Matchmaking offers discreet personal high end matchmaking services as well as all levels of personal, one to one relationship coaching for a select, worldwide clientele of unapologetically selective single, successful and attractive men and women in search of a compatible life partner.
